on being consistent again (take two)

i'm thinking, it's been almost a year. a whole year???
fine. so here's what's happened in the last year:
- i've changed two jobs, soon to go on the third one
- i've left uni
- i've won the lottery once (hold your horses there, no millions in sight)
- i've pretty much stopped speaking to people and started considering moving to a desert island where mobile phones have no signal
- oh, and i've tried to kill myself a couple of times (hell, blame it on depression)

BUT

i've survived, so my almost new year's resolution is to be more consistent. no more bullshitting!

xmas eve

the fat bloke in the red is coming soon.
so i've not been consistent after all, it turns out. i just can't teach myself the skill i suppose. life needs a bit of inconsistency...or shall we call it adventure?
most of manchester is snowed in, not the stuff of proper snowing, mind you. but it's white all over nevertheless. yesterday night me and husband put out the bins and it was snowing well, so we had a bit of a snowball fight. it was exhilarating! i'd not had such a laugh in a long time. it was just the two of us, that surreal silence the snow creates and our shouting. i came back inside the house out of breath and happy, as happy as i've been in a long time of unhappiness/struggles/mountains to climb. me and hubby have had it difficult this year and i've just about had it.
time to say goodbye to new beginnings and new happiness.

on being a bit more consistent...

it's been ages, i know, i should apologise. things sort of get on top of me and i forget what i do.
so it's back to the start again.
are you consistent in your everyday life? i'm one of those people that sometimes starts things and then leaves them in the middle, it's a common trait i carry with me since birth (if you listen to my mother, anyway).
in any case. i've changed degree. i just couldn't do nursing anymore. now doing english and creative writing, and as a result i'm much happier and focused. hubby is doing wildlife conservation, which sounds way too tough for my liking!
so i'm told that the idea of being any writer is to keep some sort of journal, where you should write everyday: random stuff, bits of a novel, bits of a poem, observations, snippets of overheard conversations. anything will do, in actual fact. so off i went and bought me a brand spanking new notebook, with all intentions of writing on it as mentioned above. have i done that? no! i've written on it up until the beginning of october and then nothing more.
why? why am i inconsistent like that? so what i will try to do instead is write here, which i was supposed to do all along, and see if that moves me to then doing it on my writer's journal as well. i'll try to teach myself consistency and hopefully i'll learn this time. at my grand old age it's overdue, to be honest.

today i went back to work on an early shift, which for you clueless out there means a 7 am start, and a 5 pm finish.

of course i hate it. i hate earlies, i hate nights...come to think of it i think i hate shift work after all! which technically means i'm in the wrong job altogether, but that will be a different post one day i'll manage to write.
i've been on leave for nearly three weeks and no one has noticed. you'd think that the moment you leave the office everyone would go: "where is she?? she can't be on leave!! surely, however will we manage without her??!!". but the fact is that no, you're just a figure, you're a statistics, you're a pin number onto your windows account.
oh they did ask where i'd been, presuming that since i'd not been in for a while i had been one of the following: on leave, made redundant or dead. and since corpses don't talk (except on telly, that is) they automatically excluded the deceased variant. forget the redundancy, where i work it's not contemplated, since idiots never stop harassing us, you need all the people you can get to keep up.
so really the only option available in the end is the annual leave one. but that's not glamorous unless you've been to fiji...and if you're back it means your holiday is finished, so it's already a thing of the past. so next time, i'll pretend i was off dead and then somehow came back to life, to make it interesting.

so this morning i went to the doctor. minor ailment really, just a bit of knee trouble.
i love him really, he's a great guy, not ancient but has been in the job for a while, so not keen anymore to keep up with the nhs and its ridiculous demands. i spent with him approximately 25 minutes, of which about 15 spent talking about his boat. which i don't mind, it's fine, i'll chat and be merry. but in credit crunch times, talking about taking your boat for spins around the mediterranean sea and what not sorts of bothers me a bit.
considering i've not had a holiday in over 3 years.
and the most i can afford is brighton pier.

it's sunny! sunshine is the life of things, even dull and grey manc becomes something quite wonderful when basked in that lovely yellow light. rejoice!

checking out the university's website, trying out my passwords and what not...it is rather exciting. you work hard for something and then finally it comes along. i'm happy! i'll give it the best shot i have and some: roll on monday!